1 week ago 💎 for day 84, 2020 with 307 words.

In my head

I got a splitting headache by the end of the day. Can't stop it, can't ignore it, it pushes on the top of my head, it swells up my temples in pain. I'm thinking of taking a bunch of painkillers, but it's so close to my sleep time I really shouldn't.

I know how I got here. First, staying up late with a book and setting the alarm only six and a half hours from bedtime, even though I'm perfectly aware I need more sleep. Then starting my day well with a breakfast, but ruining the morning by spending it in a sedentary position for five or six hours, staring at screens in my glasses.

I had a brief break for a walk, but soon came back to continue what ended up being a 13h workday. Very productive, satisfying workday, induced with caffeine by two coffees and two pots of black tea. With not too much to eat, spending every ounce of energy figuring out how to move applications between database servers with the least customer impact, while not bursting from stress of juggling so many production-grade systems up in the air.

And then, devouring that butter paneer and naan in less than five minutes probably didn't help. I basically took my body from restrictive focus fuelled by caffeine to overindulgence in delicious, fatty food. And a walk, just to shock it a bit more with the temperature and weather.

Yeah, I know exactly how I got here. Prioritizing work, keeping my problem-solving brain engaged while neglecting my body, forgetting about everything in the state of flow - and paying the price. Let's hope I won't still be paying it two days from now, when the rush from finishing a complex task fails and I'll yet again fall prey to my impostor syndrome.


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By Alicja


drawsplainer, ukulele player, immigrant

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