Greeting from day 7 of 2019. This is my 3rd year into the work world, my 7th year living in the US. The world is dynamic and these numbers are always changing. Each moment is uniquely different from the other. I am at this reflection spot, thinking where I stand at this moment and what I want for the moments coming.
These past two years of making decisions on my own had opened up a lot of "first times" for me -- almost in as high frequency as a toddler. I got to immerse in new communities, lifestyles, skills; pushed myself to open up to the world and ended up meeting many interesting people on different social media platforms. All these experiences are starting to make connections, and the world I used to see in pictures suddenly become more real to me.
I came here thinking "this is the most unsettling time in my life" and I don't want to write about it. But turns out it's not all that bad. Writing makes me dig deeper into my thoughts, and pushes me to think hard on the alternatives. Today was a bad day, yet it doesn't has to be. Everything happened today is a reaction to past events, and every reaction now will be the future past. How we react in the present affects the future. The best we can do now is to be present.
The past-present-future lesson is one of the things that has become more real to me. I am always a quote catcher, but applying these quotes in real life is not necessarily easy. I am not always clear on my thoughts and still not confident in my decisions. I will still spend my day ruminating over words and actions that seems to oppose my ideals but I undoubtedly committed in my memories. I am in this confusing zone of confronting aren't true to the new me anymore. I want to improve on how I react to these changes. I want to own up to them. Sometimes it's even hard to see progress, I know I'm getting there but I need to count my blessings to see it. It's not the best days but I am positive I will get through.
PS: I thought casual writing would be easy, but it's not. I am catching a lot of mind bugs here. Words are not connected and the ideas didn't flow well. This means I am now setting higher standard for myself, which is a good sign. Guess this will be another push for me to read consistently again.