3 years ago 💘 for day 13, 2019 with 456 words.

Surfacing Assumptions

(Notice: this post is so flawed, oh god. Don't read! Read my other ones ;) )

This is my attempt to really dig out the roots of assumptions that I started to see in my adult life. It took several occurrences to recognize patterns, thus to realize tendencies that stems from personal assumptions. Here is me scratching the surface of my assumptions, and creating a space for myself to think through how to approach them.

I will start off with a bit of my childhood background. I grew up in a small household, namely me and my mum for a period of time. My mum immigrated to Macau shortly before I was born. She was there by herself so we didn't have friends and family around when I was growing up. Things changed later around middle school when my stepdad came into my life and literally changed every aspect of my future. (Here we'll skip the topic of my dad because it's a long story) This period of isolation, later I realized, is the stem of many assumptions I carried to my adult life.

I would constantly be surprised by how much people notice things while I expected less. This is almost hard to describe because these thoughts exist like a cloud in my head and I couldn't make sense of them yet, or maybe this is even just embarrassing to tell. When I tell stories about myself, I would spell out short random facts and assume people will just get it. But then later on, my friends will tell me "you totally didn't complete your stories". Many times, I left them confused. I just generally not good at storytelling (also that's why I'm here) because I don't have the vibrant set of vocabularies to talk about my life. I didn't grow up with the regular "how's your day" when I come back home and didn't have a close sibling to talk to. Even worse than the lack of vocabularies, I just assumed people can connect the dots by themselves.

I would also have the tendency to assume that people don't care, which lead me to panic and say way too many "thank you"s and "sorry"s in social situations. A stupid crave for love. The side effect of this crave also stood out when I'm in a relationship, but we'll skip the examples for now.

Good thing is I am now aware and consciously trying to improve on these areas. One of the things I started to do is, of course, doing more writing and reading. But there's more and it'll take a whole post to articulate. Let me come back on how I conquer these assumptions in the next post.

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By Tinnei 💘

I've moved over to https://reading.supply/@tinnei :)

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