Bikies: Still to do
Virus: 47, 806 cases, 4,934 deaths in the UK as of 14:06
Today's post is an old (joke) fic that I wrote a few years ago (and have added to) for my guildmates at the time. They made me do it...honest. It's based within World of Warcraft, but I think it has potential! Let me know what you guys think.
"No, no, no" Kronik was starting to lose it. "It's not the same. We need 12 healers to do Naxx. Yes, I know Shadow Priests passively heal, but it's just not the same as a fully geared out and specced healer." He drew a deep breath and once again felt that hollow sensation that had blighted his soul for way too long. As a Priest of the Holy and Great order of the Divine AFK God Shippu, he knew well what emptiness felt like. His God had a fantastic ability to decided to AFK at precisely the wrong moment, but it had never lasted this long before. The wonder of Shippu the Divine was that he would always return to you, usually when you least expected it. He would AFK but never quit…
Kronik drew upon his dwindling divine energy and began to Pray.
As a God, Shippu drew his strength from the Earth and the abundant energy of the planet, and as his Priest, Kronik drew upon the divine power of his God to heal the living beings that would, one day, become sustenance for the Earth. It was a cycle that should not…could not be broken. His God had been absent for too long.
As he prayed, memories of the way it felt when everything hollow and dark inside of him had been suddenly filled, came rushing back. Oh, how he wanted to feel that ecstasy again. To hear that knowing little chuckle in his ear as his God returned and, without a word, gave him everything he'd craved for so long. He needed it like a drug, and the withdrawal was not only slowly killing him, but it was going to ruin the guild. It was time to take drastic action.
Planning permission was a bitch.
The Bluff Wardens simply refused to see the importance of what he was trying to do. The totem had to be erected precisely there in order for the exact frequency of the prayers to resonate just right. What were they teaching the kids in schools these days? It came to something when freshly graduated Taurens didn't even understand the basics of divine-resonation theory. All this new age crap about spiritual harmony with the land made his teeth ache. He was a Priest, Gods dammit, and a bloody good one at that. He ran a frickin' guild. He had duties and rights that he had to perform. He couldn't do that without his God and the only way to get his God back, he was sure, was to erect his totem right there. It wasn't even as if it was going to get in the way. People could just walk around it. After the ritual was complete, it could even be repurposed. He'd heard that the Elders of the Horde were thinking of implementing magically charged and connected guild vaults across all of the major cities and trade routes. He was sure that Shippu would love the idea once they had summoned him back.
He'd tried reasoning with them. He'd tried begging; he'd even tried shouting until his lower jaw had fallen off, again. They hadn't budged. Looking back it might not have been a wise move to call that last one a Son of a deformed Gnome…but, Shippu be damned, he was a desperate man here. He was beginning to hear the call of Shadow Spec, and he knew from others that when that happened, it was only a matter of time until the change started. He would NOT abandon his God.
"Think, think you, stupid man, what would Shippu do?" Kronik knocked his fists against his temples as he paced in the cramped, overpriced room. His God had resurrected him for a purpose; he knew it in his withered, undead, soul. He had stuck by him when no-one else had. Faith, it appeared, ran both ways. Shippu had trusted Kronik to use his powers wisely; it was time for Kronik to repay the gift in full.
Turning now, with new purpose, he walked to the writing desk and began to pen the most important letter of complaint of his long, long, unlife.
The look on the guard's faces had been priceless. Cairne Bloodhoof had actually bellowed at the damned paper pushers to pay for the totem out of their own pockets. He'd known Shippu his entire life and having a God AFK in his home city was quite the tourist attraction in the off-season between raids. Cairne had been growing concerned about the mighty Gods whereabouts himself, and so, after receiving Kronik's mail, he had come to the buildings and regulations office personally to sort the matter out. Besides, it turned out that he was friends with the bread vendor Shippu would AFK next to and she had been losing custom since 'the pretty kitty' had gone. Cats, it appeared, could help sell anything.
The rest had happened in a blur. Apparently having a Chieftain on your side makes all kinds of things that would usually take weeks, occur in a matter of hours. The town's crafters had banded together and somehow translated Kronik's scribbled drawings into a beautifully sculpted totemic masterwork. Watching as it was raised to stand tall and proud in Thunderbluff's central rise, just outside of the bank, had nearly brought a tear to his eyes. When the Enchanters and Artisans had finished with the paint and spell-work, he had to own up to one, very manly tear, escaping. It was just so perfect, and it was exactly what he needed to get Shippu back.
Organizing his guild was, on occasion, a bit like trying to herd a bunch of well-meaning but schizophrenic cats. The ritual required precision and calm; the guild had rather a lot of noise and chaos.
"Guys, please, all we need is one Priest in each corner and a tank in the middle for if something goes wrong. The DPS just need to spread out and not stand on each other's feet. This isn't too much to ask? Five-year-olds can do this shit." People shuffled around, but nothing much changed.
"If we don't do this we can't raid Naxx."
It was quite amazing how fast people could move with the proper motivation.
All things considered, Shippu's return was somewhat underwhelming. He'd managed to get everyone into position; they'd got the chant and movement down and even managed to summon the Meta Goddess (who'd appeared in a shower of petals and mystical harp music). The next bit though, the next bit was all on him. Say the wrong thing, and she could quite easily destroy the guild, say the right thing and she had been known to solve almost any problem. He'd not mentioned this stage of the fight to the others, but desperate times had called for extreme measures. She'd taken the form of an old guild leader, and certain people were starting to get twitchy.
He could get through this hidden boss-fight, he knew it, he just hoped that his guildies would stay calm. She blinked beneficently at him and smiled gently.
"How can I be of assistance, forsaken one?" Her voice was all around him and resonated to his core but wasn't hostile. Yet. He'd heard stories. He knew though, deep down, she never stopped caring for her band of unruly subjects.
"Urm… I'm looking for a God?" His voice didn't crack. It didn't. "I don't know if you know him? Kinda looks like a Tauren but shape-shifts a lot of the time. Likes to sit around in cat form, just there." Kronik pointed to the empty spot by the terrified looking bread vendor.
"Young Shippu, yes, of course, I know him. Why do you wish to speak with him?"
"Well, urm, I'm kind of, urm." Kronik cleared his throat and tried again. "We, I mean the guild…" he waved vaguely around him "We need his help. He's kind of my God you see, and well, I'm running low on…"
She cut him off with a smile and a wave of her hand, disappearing in another shower of petals. When she returned, it was with a slumbering cat in her arms and the message "I believe he's been dreaming for a while. He may need you just as much as you need him forsaken."
It was later. So much had happened that Kronik didn't really have the mental space to take it all in.
The moment the Meta Goddess had handed his God over to him, he'd felt that electric rush of power shoot through his body. Being undead, it turned out, had its advantages. He'd almost collapsed from the ecstasy of the new and welcomed power but years of self-discipline and training had kept his legs locked upright and his arms fixed in place to keep Shippu safe. The mind could overrule the body. What he hadn't counted upon was the Goddess disappearing and his Lord and God the Great Saviour Shippu rolling over in his arms and starting to purr.
The snigger had started quietly, somewhere in the rogue ranks but had quickly spread. Soon the Hunters were rolling around laughing, and the Shamans were using their totems for support. Kronik, through the haze of overwhelming bliss that was sinking into his core, managed to hold his head high and began to make his way out of the city.