1 year ago 💘 for day 21, 2019 with 312 words.

not having things to look forward to sucks

Today is my year two mark on not having plans and not wanting anything from life.

I'm 27 years old. Everything I wished for and or planned to have and be by the age 40 I managed to conquer, against all odds, by 25.

I know this sounds pretentious but I promise you it isn't. Me and my family we starved, ran away from violence, I had to jump over dead bodies in the street to go to school — life wasn't at all easy but I managed and nowadays the biggest worry in my head is wether I used the em dash correctly.

I remember when I had plans, it feels really good to wake up every morning knowing that doesn't matter what life throws your way you'll be able to dodge because you're in a quest, a mission. I remember when I was offered a job abroad just because I knew a thing of two about design and development, I remember they telling me that I was the youngest IC hire in the company and it was great that I was curious and learned how to do this things. Little do they know that the only reason I had years of experience at the age of 20 is because since 14 I had to put food on the table.

Why am I talking about all of this? It is definitely not for you to feel sorry for me, don't. Things happen that's just how life goes but nowadays I lack one thing, one very important thing: Goals.

I miss having a reason to do what I do, I miss the feeling of accomplishment you know, that spark in your stomach that makes you want to pop a smile any time anywhere.

I'll be looking for help soon but meanwhile I can't help but keep going, aimlessly but going.

Night.

dreamer

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By Pedro Marques

💘

Product designer based in Amsterdam and hoping to move all my drafts to published this year. @pmarquees on twitter

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