1 year ago 💘 for day 97, 2020 with 646 words.

What doesn't kill you, might make you wish it had

Progress is moving along pretty well for my blog page. I have always wanted to get some stories out of my soul and put them somewhere instead of carrying them with me. As I have gotten older I really have realized that all of these memories have been holding me back. I did the best that I could through my life to over come my thoughts and get past trauma in my life. It just seemed that as each year passed my ability to handle any issue became less and less until the slight issue would come up and I felt like it was a nuclear explosion to my life. All of my hastily put together patchwork coping mechanisms where failing. Failing in the biggest way. I started to avoid everything in my life. I cut out everything I loved in order to avoid the slightest chance of even a disappointment. At the worst point I couldn't leave my house. I had regulated myself to two rooms in my home. This was to the extent that I wasn't able to do the simplest terms tasks like laundry. The laundry machine you see wasn't in a room I would venture to. When I was able to get to the point of getting help I was able to see a therapist. Through lots of work and time with not only a therapist, couples therapy, and a psychologist I was able to learn about myself. I was able to learn that I wasn't alone in my struggles, but also that many people don't think like I do. That point in my life was mind blowing. I had always assumed that everyone was experiencing the same thought processes I was. I had figured that I was the only one struggling and failing at controlling my emotions and thoughts. It was so freeing to know that other people where not burdened with thoughts that would torture them every hour of the day and night because you know they are negative and destructive and your holding them back until you just break down from exhaustion and let it all pour out. Ruining every relationship that you have ever had. Because not every emotion or thought needs to be voiced. In fact most of the thoughts a person has throughout the day might flicker through your brain to fade away and be forgotten in seconds. No one is any better at understanding ourselves or others then I am. Most people figure themselves out just in time to realize they either where wrong or that they have now changed. The biggest difference for me now is knowing about how I deal with trauma and the ways it has changed my brain. With a few medications I have eased my run away mind enough to have control what I let flow from my mouth. I no longer verbally abuse my spouse at 2 am, after I have woken him from his sleep. I still struggle and have so much to learn but I have accomplished some self awareness that I desperately needed. This time my coping skills are tested and approved by trained professionals. Recognizing when to ask for help is probably the best skill anyone can embrace no matter the situation that a person feels overwhelmed by. Now I'm a happier person and have embraced many changes in my life. I have been able to cut out things that don't make me happy. Now I run my blog full-time, and unburden my heart from the events that no longer fit. I have filled up the empty spaces with the hope that I will reach someone that needs to hear what I say. I'm putting myself out, in hopes of meeting others that want to have real connections and to build positive growth. I wish everyone3 a safe journey in thier own quest to find themselves.

dreamer

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By Neecee B 💘

Currently I'm a full-time blogger and social influence dabbler. I'm currently a few months in to a year long plan to become a better writer and build a reasonably accepted blog. Also planning to try my hand at short videos and podcasts.

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