7 months ago 💘 for day 44, 2020 with 314 words.

One step forward, two steps back

I must have used this title before. It certainly feels like an old record to me.

The meeting with the reintegration coach went well and I look forward to working with her. It seems like she has a lot of resources and knowledge on coaching someone with Burnout (luckily because that's what I was hoping for!) and I hope she'll be able to get me back on the right track again.

Despite the good meeting, I couldn't sleep. Neither could boyfriend and so we found ourselves up, well after midnight, staring at some candles I lit. It didn't take long before I started crying and I think the realisation that I need to adjust my life again has finally sunk in. After a lot of stubbornness and dismissal from my end, I'm beginning to realize that I need to step back if I want to move forward. I didn't want to realise this. Since November, all I've wanted to do is maintain what I've built up. It's painful to try and let that go. To realise again that it is too much. But.. It's too much. Every day of my week has something to fill it. Right now, 4 days are client work, 1 day is painting, 1 day every other week is reintegration coach session day and 1 day a week is a social day. There needs to be days void of plans. So I'm going to try to make that happen. There are very few days open to do 'nothing'. To only rest. Vacation days as it were. Days you sorely need if you're burned out. I just.. hoped I didn't need them anymore. I hope that going from 4 days working 2 (+) hours to 3 days a week working 2,5/3-ish hours will give me some more room to breathe while still being able to keep up with the promise I made to my client. We'll see.

dreamer

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By Leonie Jonk 💘

Designer & Illustrator with a burnout. I write fiction, the odd tech or design article & I write about my personal struggle with Burnout.

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