2 months ago 💘 for day 357, 2020 with 415 words.

Grumpy non-break

Dimitri has been off work since December 14th and I'd hoped to join him in something of a holiday break. This has only partially ended up being the case though. First I had a commission to finish. Then client emails to sort out and answer. And now I still have a painting to finish that's to be a Christmas present for my dad. With Christmas eve only 4 days away, I do have to make some headway every day if I want to make it. Luckily the first coat of paint is down already, so I don't expect time to be an issue. My health though is another story.

I knew I'd been pushing it over November and the first week of December and I knew I was going to have to endure some more pain. It's been harder to slow down than I'd expected though and as a result, I'm having far more pain and far more fatigued than I was expecting. The level I'm at now is where I can't enjoy or do much of anything. Meaning even something small isn't enjoyable, but a difficult slog. (painting being the last thing I do enjoy, but even that's becoming harder now) I was hoping to spend the afternoons doing fun things with dim. Bake cookies. Go for a walk a little ways away. Something like that. But today I once again find myself at the absolute end of my rope, with a killer headache, for the 5th day on end. Yesterday was a bit better than the days before but this morning I woke up with that familiar feeling again. Yet I've pushed myself to paint and it's 2.30 and I haven't yet rested. Mostly this is because with the fatigue comes trouble eating. I have to eat because if I don't the pain increases and laying down is painful enough already, but I can't lay down just after I've eaten. But I get hungry quickly too because I can't eat very much and I can't lay down when I'm hungry because pain. And so if I miss the window, the whole thing starts up again. So now I'm sitting up in bed, waiting for my window.

When we were making Christmas plans last week I had hoped to feel better by today and I'm disappointed that I'm not. It's all par for the course and no big deal of course, but it's a bit of a bummer anyway. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

dreamer

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By Leonie Jonk 💘

Artist & Spoonie I write about my life as an artist and as a person with chronic pain, the struggles, the rewards, the inspiration & the downfalls. Oh and occasionally the odd piece of fiction :)

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