I feel like I have lots and absolutely nothing to write about today. I don't really want to write about what I did today and I don't feel like writing about my plans tomorrow. The main issue, I guess, is that I don't actually want to write. I feel a bit stressed about it all. Not just tomorrow, life in general. Not only my plans but existing physically, mentally, and existentially.
It is what it is.
I currently have the longest meditation streak I've ever managed. 41 days, not counting today. Yet I don't feel present at all.
It was supposed to rain, according to the forecast. It didn't at all and in turn, we had a very hot summer day. It was a nice surprise but I don't think I was able to fully appreciate it. I wish it was possible to save a day like today for winter. Just when everything gets too gray and cold. I wouldn't have minded a cold and dark day today in exchange.
I've got my invitation for the vaccine this morning and I book my two appointments in the afternoon. The first shot will be in one week. They're gonna give me Moderna.
It's all snow
Life was too much. It felt noisy and loud. The more he tried to find a quiet space, the louder everything seemed.
One day he decided to go north, until everything was white. He wanted the crunch of snow beneath his feet. He wanted to fight nature to stay alive. He did his research, packed everything needed, and took off. It would be primitive and he would be alone but it just felt like the right thing to do. To get away from it all.
What he found was not a quiet in the sense of sounds, as nature had plenty to say. He found a quiet in himself. None of the external noises echoed inside of him. His own inner voice had grown quiet as well. It wasn’t critical of everything he did. It didn’t push him to work harder. It didn’t tell him he was a failure. It just was without saying anything.
It wasn’t about goals or achievements. It was about the journey. He didn’t want to think about what to do when he returned because obviously, things couldn’t go back to normal. He wanted to bring the quiet with him but didn’t know how. Right now, he had found it and that made everything better.