3 months ago 🤯 for day 174, with 485 words.

Relationship resistance

The guy who messaged the other evening and asked if he could come by to say hi (which my naive head did not see as a booty call) hasn't messaged me since. There's nothing unusual about that. We didn't talk for months after ending things last year and only texted a little after I accidentally ran into him on a train a few months ago. There are some unresolved things, but I also know that no matter what could happen we will never be a couple. We are too different for that.
Yet he's still been on my mind for the past couple of days.

I spent most of yesterday with friends and was pretty drained today, but I didn't have any plans and thought I could spend all of the day alone. While reading in a park I happened to find by chance, the friend I hung out with yesterday evening called. She asked me if I would go with her to see the bonfire (it's Sankt Hans today in Denmark). This clashed with my plans of being alone, but I agreed anyway — it's nice to know people enjoy your company.

At some point, we were talking about finding a guy she could match me with from her new workplace — she's got a job at LEGO that begins on 1st of July — and I got a bit quiet. I really don't want to get matched with anyone right now. There's a guy on Happn, a seemingly very sweet guy, who I have promised I would get back to when I was done with my thesis. I haven't done that yet and I even deleted the app to make room on my phone.

I feel like I want the fun and the intimacy a relationship can provide, but I just feel my body getting heavy when I think about my independence disappearing. I don't want another person in the equation of my life to complicate things. I​ don't want to be tied down to a specific geographical location or let moving to a new place complicate things with a guy.

I've always been an introvert, but I've also almost always had a boyfriend. Right now I think I need to be alone without one.

Maybe it's because I'm 27 and it seems very serious if I start dating someone. There are some things which are expected to at least be considered at this age. I don't want any of that. I also don't want a fuck buddy because I know I would end up with a broken heart.
I'd love to get the validation from getting married, I'd love to know I always have​ someone to support me. But I don't want to date anyone and I don't want to get attached.

I don't have an ending for this, but it feels a little better to have written it down.

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By Kirstine Granzow Larsen 🤯

I recently got a Master's degree in IT Product Design and I'm currently looking for my first job! ✨

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