3 weeks ago 🥁 for day 317, 2021 with 501 words.

Human baby and long walks

My friend and I visited some other friends today. I haven't seen them in person since June 2020 when it seemed like Covid-19 might be a thing of the past (that turned out not to be the case). They had their first child not too long ago and he was a part of the reason why we came by to visit.
He's a cute kid, that much I can say. I'm not a "baby person". I'm not the first one to offer to hold a baby and I don't particularly enjoy it. I'm afraid they break while in my care and that would make me feel terrible which means that's the primary thing I think about when holding a baby.
Today my friend asked me how holding the baby made me feel (the kid's parents were clearing the table after eating lunch). To be honest, I didn't feel anything. Only the fear of squeezing or dropping him or somehow doing it wrong.

I don't think that's how I'm supposed to feel as a 29-year-old woman?
I've never played with baby dolls and pregnancy scares the shit out of me. I haven't met a guy yet that seriously made me think I should create another life with him. Maybe something is broken in me but I'm not sure that's an entirely bad thing. Right now it doesn't look like I'm going to be a mom (I know a lot can happen within the next 5 years) so I guess this lack of feelings could be a good thing. I don't feel like I'm missing out in a major way.


A place for thoughts

Water crashes against the rocks as he carefully walks at a safe distance from the slippery stones and the splashing waves.
He has walked here so many times before and still, his mind takes him places he hasn't explored before. Lately, the thoughts of death and what comes after life have occupied these walks. Not long ago he heard someone describe meditation as preparation for death. It feels fitting, in a way.

The Sun reaches its high point in the sky and he knows it's time to turn around. He's already been here for too long. It's nice though. It's quiet and there's room to just be. No one needs anything from him when he's here. It's just him and nature, no distractions from the moment.

He hasn't quite made it back to where he started before the alarm goes off. His whole body vibrates with rising and falling intensity. He jacks out and suddenly he's back in his small apartment. The city outside the building is loud and the people inside the building are too. The deep thoughts he had a moment ago are now squeezed out of his mind as noise and stress replace it.
He reaches over for a food packet, then checks in at work. Another 7 hours before his mind is once again his. He sets the timer and it counts down.

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By Kirstine Granzow Larsen 🥁

I recently got a Master's degree in IT Product Design and I'm currently looking for my first job! ✨

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