2 weeks ago 🥁 for day 324, 2021 with 497 words.

Friends and feeling all alone

I miss being a priority in someone else's life. I have friends who care about me and a family that's there for me so I'm not completely alone. But I miss being a top priority. The person someone else's plans have to fit with instead of being the person who has to be flexible and fit into other people's plans.
This weekend I was supposed to be out of town with a friend. That didn't happen and she didn't even tell me until I asked her Thursday if she was still interested in hanging out. We're going to talk on video Sunday but it's just not the same. I know she's busy and her job is probably taking up most of her time. It just sucks.
The same goes for another friend who has delayed Facetime calls with +1 hour before. I know neither of them to it to hurt me, but it still makes me sad.

I know there's a whole thing about setting boundaries and demanding space instead of expecting people can just read my mind. But I don't want to do that! I want them to respect me enough to respect my time, not only by their words but actions too.
Ah, it's hard. I'm also not the kind of person who just remove those people from my friend list. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind and all that. Good friends with poor planning and communication skills are still a lot better than no friends at all.

Did I write this one already?

Here she is, floating around in empty space. Of course, there are protocols and a ton of checks to make sure no one floats away during a space walk. Somehow everything that could go wrong did go wrong. The space station is slowly getting smaller and smaller behind her but she can't see that. She's staring into nothing. But she can feel the distance becoming greater. She's all alone because the communication system has failed her as well.

53 isn't too bad, she thinks to herself. Not within her line of work. So many things could have gone wrong along the way. She has lost colleagues in worse ways. At least she got to go to space one last time. Not even all trained astronauts get to go to space once.
She floats and feels grateful.
She knows she's going to die within the next couple of hours but everything is so peaceful and quiet. The adrenaline has left her body. It was as if something just happened when she saw the safety line snap. Okay, that's it, this is how it's going to end was all that that went through her mind. Death is still scary and she longs for more life but there was nothing to be done. She wants to accept that. She is all alone but she doesn't feel alone. She feels loved and connected. Mentally she says her goodbyes.

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By Kirstine Granzow Larsen 🥁

I recently got a Master's degree in IT Product Design and I'm currently looking for my first job! ✨

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