On a day like today, I want to skip writing. I think "I've been writing for all of 2019 and 2020, I can skip one day, it's not that important." And maybe it's not. But the thing is, I don't know. Some days I keep writing because I'm afraid of what will happen when I stop.
I had a 33-day meditation streak years ago. That's the most consistently I've ever meditated. A whole month. Then one day I forgot or didn't make it before midnight and then the streak was gone. These days I meditate occasionally. It's not a priority even if it probably should be.
It's not because writing 200 + 200 is all that difficult. It's usually the fiction I find the hardest, especially when it's late in the evening. I've learned to pretty easily get words on the page for this part because that's just writing for the sake of writing. Writing fiction requires another kind of effort and commitment.
Still, the hardest part is getting started. At least it is to me. Before I start, I still have the option to just not do it. Once I'm writing it becomes an active choice to stop. And just like that, I wrote 200 words!
Yell it till it's true
Lisa says she doesn't care what other people think of her. She often says it so loudly in situations that make it very clear to everyone around her that she does indeed care a lot about what other people think of her. She mostly keeps saying it to make herself believe it because just below the surface, she knows she cares a lot about what other people think of her.
She knows what she thinks of herself and most of the time the thoughts are not nice. It's hard though when you were constantly told you're nothing in the first decade of your life. It's when you form your identity and you still don't trust your own judgment yet so you believe what other people say. Other people told Lisa she was a stupid worthless loser. Some of the people she trusted because they were someone she should felt like she was supposed to trust. They were the people who were closest to her and they were supposed to love her.
They did love her but in their own harmful way. So she trusted their words when they told her she was a stupid worthless loser and that idea was amplified and confirmed by people who didn't love her.
If Lisa yells at you she doesn't care what you think of her, just know that isn't about you at all.