Is now the right time? Am I in the right place? Is this the right opportunity? Is this what I want? What if things don't work out as I hope?
I guess these questions sum up my current mental state. Pondering questions. Wondering about which actions I should take. Wondering what's the wise thing to do.
These questions are relevant to multiple areas of my life, but the past few days, they've been relevant to the question of: should I buy a flat in London?
I'm naturally commitment averse. But the idea of buying in London, despite the risks, excites me. Something within me is over the moon at the idea.
Honestly, it's not an idea I've thought about much. Since I started working in London, I've not been able to afford much more than a shoebox in these parts. But having gone back to being perm, that situation has changed a bit, and I'm realising how possible it is to buy.
It's still bloody expensive. It'd still take me 25 years working a great job to buy a 2 bed flat in an ok area. But it's do-able. In theory, at least.
But then there's the risk. What if Brexit causes the market to crash? What if I'm stuck with a property that no-one wants? What then?
Fear certainly has a voice. It's one I try to ignore. But differentiating between wisdom and fear isn't always easy. Fear often shouts a message with truth scattered within it, but twisted with lies, like a poisonous cake. It tastes good, looks good, but isn't good.
I can be commitment averse. I've written about that recently. It's not a trait I admire in myself, but it's one I'm aware of.
And so, as I ponder whether to commit, whether to take a step with risk, I'm wondering what inside me is leading me in hope, what is wisdom, and what is fear.
I've some decisions to make. Let's hope they're wise.