The blank page. Schrödingers cat. This way or that.
Life is a series of moments. At one moment what could happen next seems relatively limited. The next moment flows from the current one. Cause and effect.
The curveball to this, is that none of us know the entirety of this moment. We don't know what's really going on in others heads and hearts. We don't know what's happening outside our windows. We don't know what we don't know.
And so life often continues relatively steadily, step by step. But then there's times when the coin will land this way or that. When we step out, flip the coin and wait to see where it lands.
There's something strange about coming close to finding out what the next moment looks like, whilst not yet knowing how it will work out.
I've had this experience recently with an important email. I'd been waiting for this email for a while, in fact my future depended on it. If it came back positively, I'd be full steam ahead on the startup I was working on, with two high quality co-founders. If it came back negatively, there'd be no co-founders, all three would be out.
I received the notification of the email whilst on the phone with an old friend. I mentioned it coming in to him, but I hadn't spoken to him in a while, so I decided to ignore. It could wait until after our call. But naturally it nagged at the back of my mind.
Would it go this way or that? Would my future look like this, or that?
It dawned on me that in a sense this was my very own Schrödingers email. It was both options and neither at the same time. Until I opened it up at least.
About an hour later, having said goodbye to my buddy, I braced myself to open the email. I paused for one last second, in the bliss of possibilities. Of either way. And then I opened it.
The news wasn't unexpected. Yet it wasn't what I was hoping for, either. It was a no from our prospective co-founder. The startup as we knew it would be coming to an end.
I look back on that now, on that period just before the moment when the two paths converged into one, and I can feel the same deep sense of it all.
It's hard to put my finger on what "it all" really means. It's some cocktail of emotions. Excitement. Fear. Anticipation. Nerves. Hope. Worry. Hope.
It's in these moments, that it almost feels like two parallel universes are pulling tight together, ready to merge. I feel the weight of both of them inside of me, as I begin to vibrate with the increased pressure.
I don't know what the next moment will look like. But I'm ready to find out.