Misreading situations. Reading into things that aren’t there. Missing things that are. It’s easy to do.
When something matters to you, it’s easy to hone in on the details. It’s easy to over analyse, to put yourself under pressure to make the right moves, to play the right cards.
I’ve never been good at playing games. I enjoy playing actual games, like cards, chess or football, but playing games at life? That’s never been an area I’ve really ventured into.
Be it in my work life, with my job. I default to being honest, more honest than I need to, sharing details about my thoughts on the future with my boss even if it might normally be seen as a bad move.
In my personal life too. I try to not wear masks wherever possible, though I know I’m far from that goal. We all live behind masks no matter how much we try not to. Naturally, we aren’t fully naked with everyone. We present versions of ourselves to those we meet, different versions for different people.
But I do believe we can make progress in this. We can get better at being real. We can become more comfortable in our own skin, and less conscious of what others think about us.
So, in a way it’s kind of strange, that tomorrow I’m wearing a mask. A real one, on my face. Why? For a masquerade party.
And it’s equally strange at the twinge of discomfort I feel, when thinking of going to a party. The sense of self-consciousness, of whether I’ll actually enjoy it, whether I’ll make it through the evening without making a social faux pas.
But I’m getting better at it. Better at stepping outside my comfort zone, better at being less self-conscious.
Ultimately, we all wear masks. We all present the best version of ourselves, and we do it for fear of being found out.
All we can do is make progress today, to love ourselves better, and show a little more of ourselves to those around us.