1 year ago for day 130, 2019 with 387 words.

Emotions

It swirls up and around. It rises with the promise of subsiding again sometime, but whentime, who knows.

I’m overwhelmed by emotions. Emotions plural. There’s a lot going on inside of me right now.

What does it all mean? What does my future look like? What actions should I be taking in the present?

It’s unclear right now. I feel as though I’m in a fog. I know what my hopes are, but I don’t know which actions will take me there.

I found out today about a small tweak that could have a big impact. It may seem inconsequential to those outside, but it changes a lot for those of us who have to walk it out.

It’s just a minor change in how we view ourselves at work. What we plan to do, where we want to go. But the minor adjustment has far reaching consequences. The tweak in direction leads us somewhere else entirely.

I’m not sure yet whether I’m ok with the new destination. I was sold on one place, and we’ll be going to another.

I’m not sure yet what it all means for me at work. Right now I feel a bit betrayed, a bit silly, a bit naïve, a bit worried.

This swell rises in me. But others are contributing to the current of my emotions. There’s the conversation I need to have, want to have, scared to have.

There’s the whole buying a flat thing. Committing to here thing. Nailing my stake to the ground thing.

And there’s the friendship group thing. The what does it hold moving forward thing.

Simply put, there’s a lot of things going on inside of me, right now.

I don’t know what the answers are. I don’t know what the future looks like. All I know is what I need to do next, what I need to do now.

Taking steps with no guarantee that they’ll lead where I want is tough. It’s vulnerable and requires trust.

But that’s what I felt God say to me at the start of the year. Deeper trust. Vulnerability. Seems pretty accurate rn.

dreamer

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By Fred Rivett

Developer 👨‍💻 • Hobbyist designer 🎨 • Maker 🛠 • Runner 🏃‍♂️• Explorer 🌍

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