Do I really want to be an entrepreneur? I don't know. I like the idea of it, but do I like the outworking of it? Do I like the daily steps to take in it?
For a long time I've believed that entrepreneurship was the route for me. Those people who just worked a day job and were happy doing so until 65, they were missing out.
Equally I've always known that most people are happy in the 9-5. Happy to take the simplest path, and that's ok too.
But that wasn't the path I wanted. That hasn't changed much, the idea of having to work until I'm 65 hasn't gained much appeal.
But more recently I've wondered whether entrepreneurship is my way of getting there. Whether there's other routes to take that fulfil me just as much, and could have a likelier chance of a good financial outcome too.
Say, working hard for 10 years and looking to earn a good wage whilst saving. That might be a much better decision, financially, than entrepreneurship. Running your own business is far from guaranteed to be a net positive financially. And then there's the stresses and strains of it all. Maybe it's not the only route towards my goals.
The money isn't really the thing, either. It's just an enabler, something that provides more options. That's the goal really, to maximise options. Where to live. What to work on. How much to work on. These things form my ideal future, and building a business is just one way to move towards them.
So it's been tough, trying to get my motivation back. Trying to really believe like I used to, that this path was the only path for me.
Maybe it is. Maybe it's something I'll never shake until I get back at it. But the momentum is gone, and with it the clarity of thought.
Do I really want to be an entrepreneur? I'm not sure. I wish I knew.