2 years ago for day 53, 2019 with 349 words.

Confusion

Knowing what's true isn't always easy. Today it feels hard, that I know.

Confusion is no fun. The haze of doubt isn't one I long for.

What does it mean to doubt? To be uncertain. To not know what is true. To not know which way to turn.

I hate that part about me, that over analyses stuff until I spin up a dust cloud of doubt.

It can be great at times, taking time to process things at a deeper level. But it certainly has its downsides.

Even writing this is hard. What do I write about? 200 more words to go for the target. Cool cool, I'll get there.

I'll get there.

I know I will.

Just in the day to day it's hard to imagine moving outside of todays dust storm.

In 5 years time, I'll be laughing about this. In a few months time this will just be another one of those days. A minor challenge in a twisting and turning drama of the life of Fred.

Feelings follow thoughts and all that. How I feel about todays challenges are a big part dictated to by what I fix my attention on.

I'm trying to get better at that. To not go deep down the rabbit hole, until the sunlight is barely visible and I'm surrounded by nothing but the challenges of life.

People around me have been great. Helping me gain perspective. To shout down the hole that life is ok up there, still ticking along, and that I'm not the only one who's been down rabbit holes. They've been there before, and they came out too.

I'm not depressed or anything. No need to send help. Just working my way through life's challenges one step at a time.

I know my strengths, and I'm getting to know my weaknesses better too. I'm trying my best to overcome them.

I'm excited to climb back out this rabbit hole. To breathe fresh air and to see the blue sky again. It's time.

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By Fred Rivett

Developer 👨‍💻 • Hobbyist designer 🎨 • Maker 🛠 • Runner 🏃‍♂️• Explorer 🌍

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