3 months ago for day 193, with 418 words.


Clicking that button fit predictably into the god damned pattern. The same damn half asleep, foggy thinking that usually descends at this time of night descended today as well and before I knew it I was lazily half-imagining a motivating future where I am this new, much better, much more interesting, much more social person with people following my work and cheering me on. If only I just had the right tool/software/community/pair of overly colorful socks I'd be there by now. What do you know, this button right here sits below a short paragraph invoking exactly those kinds of images.

"Learn now with us..." and "join the community of..." and "14 day free trial...". That last one is especially important because you see I am a very rational and responsible person as well. I'm not going to just throw money away on something I stumbled across at 2am when I know very well that this is not the time to make purchases. But there is a trial so what could go wrong? It can't hurt to try, and even if it does I can just cancel before the trial is up and now I'm away scot-free and without having paid a penny. I'm so cautious I even open up the virtual credit card I rotate out every few months so even if I, by some unusual fluke, forget to cancel before the 14 days are up, even then I'm safe and there is no chance I will actually pay the $9.99 or whatever perfectly engineered price I'm actually contemplating to agree to pay.

I hover over the "Join" button. It's big, pastel blue and rounded in a way that makes one think of bubbles and then think how this button could never be a bubble, it's not happy enough for it.

I bet it will work this time. This particular digital equivalent of a gym membership that I renew but never use will, in fact work. I will go and sweat on the stationary bikes twice a week and I will actually use this social network and listen to all that music I will now have access to and will watch all those new movies instead of just the same 4 I already know and like. It will be different this time, this time I'll actually follow through and not just mildly resent myself a month down the line for falling for this crap again and wasting another $9.99.

I hover over the "Join" button.

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