1 week ago for day 144, 2020 with 397 words.

Past Tense

S and I did another long walk today. This was number four, so I think we can now say that this is a thing we do on Saturdays. It feels good. It is also something to do that does not require much planning but still ends up providing a huge sense of accomplishment. I made it up the mountain again, and my constitution was good today. I didn't have to stop to catch my breath and generally kept a brisk pace.

Anyway, while we are walking about, we talk. Today we talked about the arrogance of youth. I was musing about the fact that even though I spent most of my childhood in some programme for gifted children, in the end, it didn't do me much good. Being told that I was somehow better than most kids, I think, did not help me learn how to socialise well—quite the opposite.

I think I dismissed a lot of acquaintances, experiences and opportunities simply because they didn't fit into the intellectually charged narrative that surrounded me back then. Also, my good grades were so dominant that nobody looked at the other oddities. Some advice on how to take a polite interest in other people's interests and projects would have helped me so much. I was such a snob!!

S commented that one of my confusing traits was how I had this lack of self-confidence that was paired with my occasional arrogance. Somehow I didn't feel confident but also had airs of superiority. He said, "It's surprising about you...". Then he corrected the statement to the past tense.

If ever there was a compliment on a change made, this was it. When someone who knows you well corrects a statement about you, you know that your internal changes are finally carrying through to the outside. I am glad about that.

It is also, of course, still a work in progress. I am still not the greatest listener in the world, for example. I am also still working on what you might call modern-day etiquette. I want to be able to conduct myself with more ease and grace and, more importantly, I want to be able to make others around me feel more comfortable. Also, there is a lot to be said for the ability to navigate strange situations with a sort of graceful aplomb.


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By Fiene

Trying to make this writing thing stick. Medium: https://medium.com/@letterwings Twitter: @Fiene_P

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