2 weeks ago for day 142, 2020 with 364 words.

Getting Stronger - Maybe

Today is one of those foggy days. I have a mild headache, my mind feels like cotton and my thoughts feel very fuzzy. It was alright-ish in the morning but got really bad around 3 PM.

This is a pattern. I can't recall when I had a bad morning the last time. It's only the afternoons that are affected regularly these days. I suspect it's a cycle thing that will just come around.

Anyway, despite, my lack of everything needed for productivity - brains, motivation, energy - I did several things today. Also, the main purpose of my birthday week is to not do anything for as long as I can stand it. I lasted three days and a half or so. Although I went out and on a long walk yesterday so technically, that was also not "just lounging".

I found a really nice game to play on the Switch (Atelier Ryza) and tried to only do that. It doesn't work anymore. Much to my chagrin and relief, I still want to do some things even when I am in my "purge week".

This, to me, means that my mind and my habits have gotten some serious upgrades. I now have an actual feeling of "want to do things" when I rest around for more than a day. Of course, this does not work when I feel sick, but when I am normal and healthy, inertia can not take hold of me the same way it used to anymore.

I default to "slightly better".

I do not default to "flurry of activity" and frankly, I don't think that I find that something to aspire to. I want to get things done but I never want to be too busy. Calm, serene, and persistent are the states I go for at the moment.

This does not mean that there will not be periods with more urgency in my life. But now is not that time. I am actually enjoying the sensation of not having to impress anyone and knowing that I am doing well, all by myself.

Does life have to go any faster? I think not.


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By Fiene

Trying to make this writing thing stick. Medium: https://medium.com/@letterwings Twitter: @Fiene_P

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