1 year ago for day 252, 2020 with 327 words.

freestyle #2

i've been writing on instagram these days. it's where i'm currently drafting my blog but this is how it's going:

pigeon-toed me 👀 wild-eyed and 🐦 pigeon-toed, 2016.

〰️the next line of the song that's taken from goes, "but she's a wild wild woman.〰️

i was the goody-two-shoes 'guai' one as a young child. ask my sister. i remember her thinking of me as a tattle-tale brat (think of briony from the movie atonement) and i didn't like it. instead of listening to my inner tune, for a long time i let unhealed hearts take the lead in my life. i was unaware of the viscous cycle and sleep that boundlessness induces.

and now, even when i see my wildness*, it is a daily practice to say no to the noise and yes to my song.

where does yes end and where does no begin?

as the song goes...i'm a wild wild woman. everyone's wildness eventually comes a-knocking. mine made websites and frolicked on the internet as a teen. mine started a band in my 20s (with no cred or "natural" music-playing talents to the frustration of some band folk, including my own band members ILY guys). mine fell in love on myspace. mine moved countries for love. mine kept believing in love. over and over again despite heartbreak and my own unhealed wounds. it was only when i started to put my wildness first— the pure and unadulterated listening to my survival instinct and needs that is your wildness—before anyone or anything else... that i felt lighter.

so light i could go from 32 to 0.

🎤you're not better one day and feeling your "best" in one moment. we're all just being and learning 🌱

🎧 song #2 on this playlist.

*wildness can mean "the quality of being uncontrolled" or (of plants and animals, which we are) "the quality of living or growing independently of people, in natural conditions".

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By cat

writing to find my beginner's mind.

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