1 year ago 💘 for day 54, 2019 with 320 words.

Today, I asked my body what it wanted

I've tried meditation so many times, but it never quite stuck with me. I tried different apps, different methods, different settings and environments, but nothing quite worked. The furthest I've ever gone with meditation was with Headspace, partly because its persistent ads on YouTube videos would always remind me that it's "meditation-time".

While I never managed to build a long-lasting habit with meditation, there's one thing that I learnt from it: how to scan my body and examine how each part of me really feels. Usually when we're asked "how are you feeling?" we don't stop to examine ourselves before we reply with a standard "OHIMGOODTHANKSANDYOU?". When a doctor asks us the same question, we do a super quick scan of ourselves and give a reply according to what we've found - maybe a light headache coming up, or maybe a few cramps, or maybe nothing's wrong and everything's going well.

After the ordeal from the last 48 hours (fainting on Thursday, and a stroke scare on Friday), I decided to finally ask my body what it wanted. I sat down, closed my eyes, isolated myself from my surroundings with some breathing exercises, then isolated each part of my body from head to toe, asking some basic questions like, "how is this feeling? Is there something unusual that I'm feeling here? What does this part need right now? Have I been good to it?". A few simple questions. The entire exercise took some time, but it was time I needed to spend to finally look into myself and realise that I'd put work on a pedestal while grossly neglecting my body.

I'd highly recommend this exercise, reserve about 90 minutes of your time for this. Some parts might need some more time, other parts need less time, just give yourself the time you need. I wish I'd done this earlier, but at least I'm glad I've done it now.

dreamer

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By Ben Ellis 💘

researcher. frequent traveller. speaker + writer. belligerent qpoc. tweets at @fr314.

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