I was speaking with a friend this evening, and we turned to the topic of what we want to do with our lives. At one point we were both designers, but he's now on a break from the industry. I can't say I blame him. After all, I took off 6 months myself last year.
He was asking me for advice, and unfortunately, I didn't have a lot to give him. I still feel like I'm waltzing through this life one day at a time. It's difficult to say, sometimes, what my reasoning is for the decisions that I'm making. To some extent, I don't believe I have the full range of choice.
I feel the biggest thing that hangs over my head, is that I feel some responsibility to provide some kind of safety net for my mother, sister, and niece. I don't want it to be an overt net, because I don't want anyone to grow complacent, but I do want them to know that they can count on me, if it ever came to that. Or, more realistically, when it comes to that.
The thought of death used to be so paralyzing to me, until I realized it is little more than a moment. In the grand scheme of things, for all we know, so too, is life. Something I saw on Twitter kind of quelled the fear. If we don't know that we are dead, then what do we have to worry about?
I'm not sure I believe in an after life. I do believe that energy cannot be destroyed, that it merely takes on another form. That to me makes a stronger case for reincarnation, but then again, perhaps the state of our planet is an indication of what happens when that system of balance is thrown off course. Maybe there's too much of the wrong kind of energy in the universe.